you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
