Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
