im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
