eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
