the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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