I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he fucked my hip out of place.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
