Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
be right there i have to get my cape
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
