He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
