so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
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