Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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