Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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