every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
