Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
