Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
