how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
