If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
