She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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