I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
