it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Randomize
