my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
