Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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