you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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