so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
