i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
