On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
