and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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