I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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