my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
