so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
