Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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