One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
