i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
