Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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