I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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