Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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