it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
3 2 1 whiskey
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
