11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We had to coat check the pizza.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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