Where did you get a picture of my penis
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
