Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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