Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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