I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
