I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
