I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
