i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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