This is not my ceiling
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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