So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
