She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
