apparently the secret to your success is patron
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
