Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
