Already got asked if we're dating
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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