the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
